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As the poster says, it will be over soon. But it's a damn spectacular finish.
While at the swim I got short hair girl’s phone number again. It’s one of my tricks, if I resolve not to call, I delete every trace of their number so it’s impossible. Since I can’t call them, the temptation is removed and I don’t think about it so much. It’s one of my tricks for moving on. I’ve also realised that the girls I don’t like, I don’t delete their numbers because I don’t have to. I’m in no danger of calling them and it’s a self-esteem boost to scroll through my numbers and see all the girls names. I do a cheeky little smile and chuckle, remembering the shagging and why it would be a bad idea to call them.
Last post I introduced ‘cobalt girl’. I did a bit of research into the colour blue though because I didn’t like that name, and found a new name. Her eyes were more electric than anything, but the day I met her she was wearing a subtle indigo eye-shadow which made those eyes look amazing. So let’s go with indigo girl. Better name yeah?
Anyway, I called short hair girl Tuesday. After playing it cool I expected a warm reaction. No answer. I texted and later called again. She told me she was back together with him. Crash, bang, bam, ouch. I asked for an explanation. She didn’t have time for one. She again said it was nothing to do with me. I again disagreed. She again told me that I was arrogant and mental. I told her that I was prepared to leave the whole thing as long as she gave me a quick explanation of why she had made this decision after everything she had said.
I waited two days, then called her again. She told me that she just had to get her horse shot and had hit a seagull with her car that she was taking to the vet. While these sound like reasonable excuses and she probably wasn’t lying, I knew if she wanted to find time for me she would’ve.
For days I tried to figure out where I had gone wrong. She continually avoided giving an explanation.
Laying in bed after shagging astro girl again (whoops but awesome fun) I realised that none of it mattered. That calling her or not calling her, giving her space or crowding her, kissing another person in front of her friends and then making a lightening bolt resolution to be a better person didn’t make a damn bit of difference.
For some reason, that made absolutely no logical sense to me, she had decided to get back with the German Tosser and didn’t want to be with me and fuck it hurt like nothing else. It hurt like I had just been punched hard in the stomach, but it lasted for days.
Still I wanted my explanation, but she avoided me. It was probably because she knew everyone thought she was a complete moron for making such a weak, defeatist and poor decision. Her friends told me as much. I knew her parents and sisters would agree.
Wingman explained to me, after I had repeated my problems to him several times from many different angles, that she was avoiding me because she was ashamed and didn’t have an explanation. He told me that she was not the person that I wished she was. All these values I had attached to her, she was some of them, but she was not the girl I imagined her to be, so could not be expected to act like her. She had so many problems and wasn’t dealing with them. She wasn’t good enough for me.
He was right. She was so close to the girl I was after. She ticked so many boxes and after waiting so long I had ignored her faults and now I was suffering the consequences of lowering my standards.
I mention girls in swimsuits again below. So here's another picture of a hot girl in a swimsuit. I don't even know her name. And who cares!
It was early Sunday morning and I had just woken up after not being out the night before. Why wasn’t I out on a Saturday night? Part of my resolve to be a better person included not going out and instead behaving myself. I had not spoken to short hair girl for ten days and after my bolt of lightening, I was actually being a much better person.
I was with a friend, his girlfriend and a very hot friend of hers. Medium height but smashing body, dark, straight hair, porcelain skin and a beautiful, warm and friendly face. She had the most amazing eyes. They were the washed out blue of the sky on a blisteringly hot day, but then had a vibrancy, a shine at the same time. They were like sleek, shiny metal that glowed with some sort of internal energy. The nearest colour I could match to them was cobalt. So let’s call her cobalt girl.
We all chatted, I gave her a strawberry but I wasn’t getting anywhere. Oh and that’s right, I wasn’t trying to pick up.
On this Sunday morning we were off to an ocean swim. It was a 2km swim that people do for fun. Trust me, it is fun and while I was only in bathers, which are the most unflattering piece of clothing ever, the girls were in skin tight one piece costumes and looked smashing. These are fit girls. Most of them, anyway. Some of the girls made standing around in my pair of togs very awkward. I stayed in my jeans until race time to avoid showing off my semi to bystanders. Once in bathers I looked at the fat girls every time I got too excited. They were disgusting. Fat women in bathers, it was like mince meat bursting out the sides of it’s packaging.
Anyway, I train during the week for these swims and usually finish top ten in my age group. You can’t keep a body as good as mine just through shagging, you need to do a heap of exercise as well.
So I was hanging out with these three people then I saw short hair girl. Remember that she’s a swimmer? Well I went and said hi. She was with the German Tosser. I asked her what was going on. She claimed that they were friends and he didn’t know anyone so needed a lift to the race. He had crashed his car earlier remember?
I believed her. Not because I’m an idiot but if you love someone you should trust them. I finished ninth and at the pub after the swim with my friend and his girlfriend, since cobalt girl had left, we spoke about short hair girl and I could tell from their looks of pity that they didn’t believe short her girl. They thought she was back together with him.
It was weird. We were supposed to be on a break and the last time we had spoken she had told me I had saved her from a life with him. Is this because I had kissed another girl? I resolved to find out on Monday.
It was like I had been hit by a bolt of lightening.
While I was having continued and repetitive troubles with short hair girl, astro girl was having more intense difficulties. The Fat Islander now hated her and was claiming that she had completely ruined their relationship. She told him that nothing had happened and he was completely overreacting, as I had done. It was just a fun weekend out with a friend. Which was true, but she denied the sex which made her a liar.
She grovelled all week and the more he berated her and treated her like shit, the more she was convinced that she had to be with him. I suppose a similar thing was happening with me, however I was just being ignored while she was involved with intense nightly arguments where they fired viscous barbs dripping with spite at each other.
I caught up with astro girl for a drink and to whinge about what a mess we’d made of things, and how we shouldn’t be in so much trouble because we weren’t admitting to having done anything wrong. Don’t worry, I’m well aware of how stuffed up this sounds.
Then we got drunk and had hours more of sensational sex. Afterwards everything felt fine. When I woke up for work the next day it still felt fine, because although my life was completely stuffed I was still getting laid. I thought astro girl felt the same until I got some hysterical emails later in the day. She was panicking about her wreck of a relationship, which I didn’t understand, but was in no place to judge because I was the cause of some of her current problems.
We both resolved not to sleep together again and to devote ourselves, the terrible people that we were, to making our relationships work. We discussed that it might be only because we couldn’t deal with the fact that other people were rejecting us that we were trying so hard, but came to the conclusion that we really did love these people. It was like that clichéd bolt of lightning from the pool had hit home. Us being together was the last mistake which had resolved us to being much better people.
After work that night, walking home alone with no girl to see, I tried to ringing a few friends. They were all busy, most of them tucked up at home with their girlfriends. Other people were just too tired and then there were plenty of numbers of girls in my phone that I knew it would be wrong to call.
Then I ran into the 19-year-old cross-eyed stripper ice addict and I thought that maybe I had been a bit harsh on her. We had a quick chat and I asked if I could buy her a beer. I didn’t want to sleep with her, I just wanted to hang out with someone. For once in my life, it was all quite innocent.
She looked at me like I was something she had stepped in, declined by spitting out the words ‘fuck off’ and kept walking. She made me feel like something she had stepped in and I went home to watch films, spending the rest of the night staring at my phone waiting for anybody to call. Nobody did.
I met short hair girl at the swimming pool. So here is a hot girl in half a bikini.
I met short hair girl at the pool for a swim. She told me she knew about me kissing astro girl at the party and assumed I had slept with her. Although she was correct I denied it. Months ago she shagged the German Tosser after sleeping with me, so I didn’t feel too bad. I know this isn’t much of an excuse and I had the feeling that any sort of relationship where you can justify cheating on someone isn’t a very healthy relationship at all
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Doesn't she just look so damn cool?
So I met up with my stripper friend at the pub as we had organised, in order to whinge about how shit our respective relationships were. But it didn’t quite work out like that
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I hate poker so much and believe that anyone who plays it should be dead. Or at least find something better to do.
So I wrote this post over the weekend and when I first put it up, I changed a few key details to protect people. Today though, I have realised I was being paranoid and now I’m going to write it up as it happened, because it’s funnier. I just hope that nobody I know reads it and works out who is involved. They’d probably kill me
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A long neck VB fixes everything. Well it makes it all fuzzy and fun anyway. It's like your problems become big teddy bears.
Short hair girl was waiting outside my house when I got home from work. We talked rubbish for a little while. I was waiting for her to offer some sort of explanation. Instead I had to begin and I told her that I loved her and if she needed some time, she could have it, but I didn’t understand what was going on
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This cartoon isn't really that funny. It is appropriate though.
A couple of weeks later I was to visit short hair girl at her parent’s holiday house. Her parents and sisters would all be there and, according to her, they were all very strong willed. She was worried that they wouldn’t like me or, since I was also very opinionated, that I wouldn’t like them
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I felt better than Miss Universe. Actually, I felt like I had just won Miss Universe.
Love is not a competition, but if it was, I’d be the winner and I certainly felt like I had just won a championship. All that torture, doubt, second-guessing, wondering if I was doing the right thing, suddenly it was all worth it. There were several different ways I could’ve handled things, many times I was about to give up, but I didn’t, and now short hair girl and I were together
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A women's parking lot. Pretty funny hey? The German Tosser would be right at home here.
Short hair girl called me. I went and saw her. It was an amazing week. Things were just the same as they always are when we’re together. Her friends love me, sex is great, can’t get enough of each other, blah, blah, blah
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